A Teacher and His Student Lover

What I’m about to talk to you about is an awkward topic. No parent wants to hear about their babies being touched by their teachers. They are just children! Hands-off teachers!

But teacher-student relationships do happen. They shouldn’t, but they do.

I’ve seen one up close and personal. It’s a real story. I’m in two minds about what to do about it. Maybe you can help.

Don’t repeat this. The teacher teaches at a private high school. The couple are still seeing each other today. I won’t give away their names or the name of the school. I will say that it’s a Catholic one.

They lied to everyone in order to see each other and broke every rule to do it. They knew it was wrong from the start. They know it now.

Yes, what they’re doing is ethically (and morally) wrong. I have no doubt in that. Their orbits aren’t meant to cross romantically. There are trust issues and a whole bunch of professional ethics being broken to sustain this arrangement. A career could end over it if it ever came to light.

They deny their tryst, but it’s happening anyway.

I’ve thought long and hard over it. I’ve even looked at the reverse angle and tried to put myself in their shoes.

Let’s play devil’s advocate for a moment. People often say age shouldn’t matter. Love is anywhere you find it. When you’ve got it, hold on tight. Don’t let anyone take it away from you. Don’t let anyone else tell you how you should feel about it. Only you know. When it’s right, it’s right.

Some people wait forever to find love and never get it. They never get to offer theirs to someone else. How could we possibly judge them?

Don’t we say things like:

Listen to your heart.

It’s your life.

Your choices.

Your cliches to manage.

Dammit! It’s never right. I can’t get my head around it. He should be reported.

There’s a problem. It’s been happening for so long that she’s aged out. They are both consenting adults, and she’s no longer a student at the school.

She was 14 and a half when it started, shy but curious. Her fertile flame glowed from behind her desk, books and pencils.

He was her math teacher. He saw her struggling to stand like a newborn foal and taught her how to rise to her feet. Teaching is his great skill. Math or not, that’s what he’s trained to do. So he did it.

Forget romantic verse and philosophy; men are predators. There’s only one thing a man wants. Girls at 14 are easy prey.

And a 14-year-old girl has no right to assume a romantic posture with any adult male. She can’t protect herself. She’s his student for God’s sake, someone’s child! She doesn’t know how to deal with her emotions!

And here comes my devil’s advocate inner voice again, butting in when he’s not required.

Ahh, emotions. Does anyone really know how to feel when things head south? Everyone starts somewhere. Why not here? It doesn’t get any better at 25 or 32. At least one of them has some experience. That’s got to be better than both having none at all, right?

And as far as someone’s child goes, everyone is someone’s child. Ask any loving parent this question. It doesn’t change with age.

And if it were a boy and his 22-year-old female teacher doing the horizontal mambo after school hours?

Dammit! It’s wrong too, right?

Is it?

What about love?

With all the hate and darkness in this world, is it possible that this teacher-student relationship is simply a happy example of life functioning as it should, and we are wrong? They are young, attracted to each other, and totally in love. That’s life. That’s their life!

If it works, then let them light the world. We all need a bit of light. If it doesn’t last, then let that be a part of life too.

I’m still not comfortable.

-A

*Footnote: This relationship occurred in the late eighties. The teacher married his blonde student, and the couple now have a thriving family. I popped a little of their story into my novel (see below). What do you think? Should it have happened?