Another Lonely Christmas?

We’re a married couple but live without intimacy. In our thirties, our family and friends think we’ve chosen not to have children, but that’s far from the truth. It’s too cold and lonely a place for them. Last Christmas came and went without so much as a kiss, and I’m expecting the same to happen this Christmas. I nurtured the holiday season as good as I could, with optimistic energy but, like the year before it, it was all for nothing. New Year’s Day was just as lonely — and so were all the days that followed it. Sex, if it’s to happen before this year is out, will be nothing short of a miracle.

My expectations are low but, unfortunately, I live with a tiny piece of hope inside me. It’s a horrible thing. Hope is like having a knife pointed at my chest but being told everything is fine. It’s a tormenting, torturous threat. In spite of our long history not having sex, a part of me still wishes for it. It kills me. What’s going to happen? Will this year finish the same way as last? Will that knife be plunged deep into my heart again?

Sexless Marriage Podcast

That’s why I’m dreading these upcoming holidays.

Birthdays, holidays, trips away, weekends — no time is a good time. My heart keeps breaking. I want to know what went wrong to deserve this sexless marriage. Did I say or do something wrong? I’d heard about married couples who went through inexplicable dry spells, but I thought that was a myth or fodder for comedians to use on stage.

Single people have a good reason to be alone. Married couples have no excuse. They can have sex anytime and anywhere. At least, that’s what I thought they could do. But we don’t, not ever.

Am I wrong to want? Do I expect too much?

How can we lay in the same bed and not want something more than just sleep? What are we supposed to be, only good friends?

It wasn’t always like this.

We used to have sex almost all the time. We couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves. That doesn’t happen now. A whole year can pass by before one comes to touch me again. And, when it does, it pulls back far too soon.

I just finished reading this insightful book. I heard about it on this podcast. It’s about an extreme sexless marriage… and it’s just like mine. Damn! It could be about us!

It’s pitiful. My soul has all but evaporated.

If I’d read it five years ago, it wouldn’t have made sense, but not now. I totally get it.

Just how long is too long before I give up, scream or go mad?

-Angelwanderer

Hiding The All Important Second SIM Card

Cheaters know the deal. Their best secrets hide inside these tiny, inoffensive objects. A second SIM hides the best of them while fortifying the greatest of lies. The trick to keeping the cheating order right is to hide the card without it being found, ever.

Linda does the right thing. She hides hers in the fold of her car seat and then swaps it for her second SIM after she gets on the road. Anthony keeps his under the insole of his shoe.

There are other rules, of course.

No calls or messages before 9am. A text message arrives after nine and then, only then, does the second SIM replace the first. All contact must end by three. That’s when the original SIM cards are returned to their rightful places, while the others mysteriously vanish again.

Linda and Anthony meet in private.

There’s a reason for this. Linda’s husband checks her phone every day. What an asshole. He doesn’t do it in front of her. He waits until she has left the room. Peeking through the crack of a door, she watches him and smiles. He’ll never find what he’s looking for. It’s hidden somewhere else.

“That bastard doesn’t trust me,” she says. “Can you believe that?

SEETHINGS starts with a secret SIM card, but it ends in murder. Everything about the victim’s secret life is stored on a thing which is no bigger than a thumbnail. Will that SIM ever be found and reveal the truth about how she died?

Michael Forman (Author of Dark Fiction)

“Forman’s writing style is artful, with the protagonist Mitchell’s warped thought processes masterfully exposed. The author has a powerful and vivid command of language and his word pictures are stark and disturbingly real.”

– Linda J Bettenay, author of ‘Secrets Mothers Keep’ and ‘Wishes For Starlight’.

Breaking Up Could Be The Best Thing I’ll Ever Do

A fairy-tale is coming to an end. I can feel it. I say I love you, but something’s wrong. If I had to describe it accurately, parts of this relationship has become like a horror story. I mean, we’ve worked on fixing the problems — tried so very hard to make things right, but it hurts too much to keep doing it. I ache from aching. Losing you is wrong, but life should be easier to live than this. I’m losing my mind while hanging on to whatever fragments are left of this marriage.

Maybe Breaking Up Is Better

It’s not working. We aren’t working. You feel it too, don’t you? It can’t just be me. There’s something we haven’t tried. Breaking up. I’ve thought about it a few times. We should give it a go. I think we should try it one time. What do you think? Would you like to try it too?

One-sided mirror conversations are brilliant. Every word makes perfect sense. The mirror never argues. It listens and reflects empathy. That kind of support can’t be bought. But what happens when that mirror becomes a flesh and blood person? Those questions will affect someone, and I won’t know the reaction to them. I mean, I’ve never done this before. No one ever says how to break up or divorce now, do they? Sure, some think about it, jokes are sometimes passed between friends, but few of them are ever said or taken seriously. The truth is, once we’ve made a commitment to marry, it’s a one-way direction. We’re supposed to remain together forever.

Should the words, die trying, be included somewhere too?

Reaching the relationship Utopia known as, ’til death do us part, is easier said than done. Making it work every day for a lifetime is a whole different game of hearts. What if it doesn’t go the right way, and the journey has more than a few bumps along the way? What happens when it keeps on happening?

It’s no one’s fault. It’s everyone’s fault. Silence or bickering. Those are the options to those caught in this loop.

Is breaking up allowed?

It’s not romantic. There’s no romance here. It’s tragic. That’s what it is. Sad and disappointing. It’s like death. Something in us will die and it’ll never come back. So, the choice is that or accept ongoing torture. It is a fool who chooses this, but I’ve been foolish. I’ve accepted something I didn’t like and have allowed it each day. This is enabling. I let a bad habit take form in my life, and I don’t want any part of it anymore.

Yes, breaking up is allowed. Death is fine too. Let the relationship die. Kill and bury it. There’s nothing left to see here. It’s dead. Leave. Start walking. We can’t change the past, but we can leave and walk away from it today. Things won’t be the same again. It’s true.

That’s also the goddam point!

Break-ups happen. They really do. They’re a natural part of life. If we’re to believe that existence’s rainbow is made up of a kaleidoscope of colours, we must be prepared to accept the darkest ones too. They’ll visit us from time to time. Break up is one of those horrible colours, but it’s just that, a colour.

So walk away. Lift your head. Prettier colours will return again. We should be allowed to embrace The End without guilt, and then look forward to seeing the golds and yellows when the future finally arrives.

SEETHINGS is about long-term love. It’s about two proud people who have loved well but became love-martyrs to sustain an endless ending. She is an educator. He is a photographer. They are being counselled by radio identity Tony Brindell. He’s trying to unravel their mess, but inadvertently uncovers some darker secrets.

Someone is about to be tortured. Someone will die for all the pain.

Enjoy your SEETHINGS journey. Like love, it has the potential to torment — but it certainly won’t disappoint.

– Michael (Author)

Five Random Victims
Summer Thunderstorms
Charm Bracelet
Author: M.Forman

“Forman’s writing style is artful, with the protagonist Mitchell’s warped thought processes masterfully exposed. The author has a powerful and vivid command of language, and his word pictures are stark and disturbingly real.”

– Linda J Bettenay, author of ‘Secrets Mothers Keep’ and ‘Wishes For Starlight’.

Love Gone Wrong Podcast