She died. I can’t believe what I’ve just heard. I just got off the phone with Sarah. Maxine and I were talking just yesterday. She never said she was going out with her camera. She was supposed to be at home all night.
It’s typical though. That explains why she was so nice to me. She pumped me for information on how take lightning photos and listened to everything I said — so uncharacteristic for her.
That bloated, ungrateful and frequently belligerent bitch defied me and did something foolish. She’s always doing idiotic things. And now its effects are fatal. She’s accidentally hanged herself on her camera strap right beside the Story Bridge. What a stupid thing to do! Oh, Maxine!
I shouldn’t speak like that, after all, Maxine died in tragic circumstances. She’s worth more than that. Everyone is. When someone leaves this world, even enemies deserve respect. Okay, she wasn’t actually an enemy, just an acquaintance — more like a pain in-my-ass who happens to be in the same line of work as me. She often turned up at social events to get drunk and harass me.
She heard that my spare time was taken up trying to get the best lightning photo of all. I suppose she thought she could out do me. Why? Weddings are her speciality, not storms. She did another irresponsible thing, and it didn’t work out this time. She died due to her boneheaded stupidity!
Sure, she was due some karma, but not something as dire as that! No one should go this way — and to do it so public, too.
Yes, I think you’re a classless human being, Maxine, but you’re not a complete imbecile. Why would you scramble across the top of a cliff in the pouring rain, for God’s sake? You must’ve tried to get a better angle of that iconic bridge. What was the point? There was another way to get it without the danger.
But there’s no telling Fat Maxine what to do. When she gets an idea in her head, she won’t let it go. If wine’s involved, she’ll defy everyone to make a point. But how did she get past that fence? She’s too obese and unhealthy to climb it. Even top class athletes would find it difficult to climb on a dry day. I don’t get it.
Police said that she was on the other side of it and then slipped on the mud. She fell a little way down the cliff-face when an exposed tree root caught hold of her camera strap. She was barely a few feet down and then dangled there until she passed. Some guy on the bridge saw her body when he was out for his morning jog. It was a shocking discovery.
What I don’t get is how the camera strap came to be around her neck in the first place. If she were using her tripod, she wouldn’t have had it around her neck at all.
Farewell Maxine. I know it’ll be a much quieter world without you and your drunken rants.
(Read now: SEETHINGS.)
Five Random Victims
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