Tangalooma For Sun, Sea and Girls

Beach volleyball, string bikinis, scuba diving, quad biking, and every water sport you can imagine is happening at Tangalooma Resort.

It sounds like the advertisement from a brochure, right?

No.

I’ve been there myself, and I must say that what I tell you comes from first-hand experience. The only part I was interested in was the girls. I required female company.

My marriage was dry. When the sex came to an end, I took my leave from the drought and bought a yacht. I taught myself the ropes and then sailed it to some of the prettiest places in the world. One day, I stumbled onto Tangalooma. Once there, l couldn’t stay away.

Each weekend, if the weather was fair and breezy, I’d raise a sail, leave the mainland and watch the compass rotate east. Four hours later, when the water turned a nice shade of jade, I’d slow the boat and drop an anchor into the shallow waters near the resort. I knew the perfect place to drop it, opposite the bar and restaurant. The beach volleyball court wasn’t far either – three important locations necessary for proper girl fishing.

With binoculars in hand, I’d scope the shoreline for the game. Tall, short, young or old, blonde, brunette or redhead. It didn’t matter. I liked watching all the women. Some played ball games in bikinis, while others wore activewear and jogged along the sand. Occasionally, I’d catch a glimpse of one on her own looking out to sea.

She’d be the one in a floaty dress. The breeze would press its fabric against her sweet body while it trailed away from her. The beach was a smorgasbord of delicious femininity, one of which my eyes devoured to their fill.

But girl-gazing was only an entrée to what was to become the main course. I was hungry.

Tangalooma’s accommodation is suited for families and couples. Single people visit the island too, but most of the ladies are already coupled. That’s okay. I didn’t want to take them home with me. I only wanted to borrow them.

Going ashore for lunch and sitting in the alfresco area allowed me to insert myself into their world. I could observe vacationers from beneath the umbrellas. Happy families, love-struck couples and newlyweds joined me to eat and watch the beach life.

The woman I was looking for had her arms folded. She didn’t care that much for the ocean or the food. She was holidaying with someone but was seriously pissed off with him.

Body language. All we have to do is study one another to find out what we’re really saying. We can’t avoid it. Internalised emotions have a way of surfacing in our body movements. A dipped head, little eye contact, short, monosyllabic answers. I recognise the signs. My marriage revealed them all.

I didn’t care what they were fighting over. It was the friction that mattered. Friction meant that there was opportunity.

It’s a hit-and-miss game. If successful, the rewards are worth it. Unfortunately, some of the conflicts I see are fleeting. They don’t stay long enough to benefit me. And some women just aren’t ready to teach their narcissistic, control-freak partners a lesson. Never mind, there’s always another who’s fed up enough to begin the education process.

Darkness reveals the extent of the troubles as a solitary female seeks refuge near the waters edge. He’s watching football at the bar, too drunk or distracted to care for her. Too annoyed to go back to the hotel room, this lady will abandon her partner to spend her night walking the beach and looking at the stars. She is as predictable as the wave meeting the shoreline.

This woman is my optimal target. It’s only a short trip between the sand and the inside of my boat. I provide a sympathetic ear and the rest sorts itself out.

The next important step in the process is to deposit her back onto the sand hours before sunrise. I will tell her that everything will work itself out and she’s not an evil or selfish person for wanting affection on her holiday.

I’ll kiss her on the forehead and then turn my dinghy back towards my yacht. That gives her time to walk back to her room and for me to raise the anchor and disappear.

My yacht is well over the horizon if Mr Control Freak finds out where she’s been.

Love just isn’t my thing, not anymore. The stuff ruined me. I only need females for one thing. They’ve got something I need, and I give them what they need when they need it most. It’s a mutually beneficial system.

There is another bonus.

Those who are extremely angry at their partners have something to prove. They are extra attentive and appreciative. It makes me feel like a king again. That’s something that was lacking with Samantha.

I’ve never felt shame for trolling Tangalooma’s beaches. Why feel that? Nobody gets hurt, and what’s done is done. The conventional ways didn’t work. Nothing I did ever made me happy. This puts a smile on my face. I get to sail the sea, control my ocean world and make love to some of the most beautiful, appreciative women under the stars. Where is the shame in that?

You’re wondering if I caused them to break up?

Break-ups happen with or without me. I’d like to think I helped her make a decision sooner rather than later. Sometimes, all it takes is a stranger with a kind smile and hand to show how different life can be.

One way or another, things have a way of sorting themselves out.

-Mitchell Felding

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