How To Hide A Body Properly

Assuming you didn’t get caught the first time, you’ll probably want to know how to do it better the second time.

Luck isn’t always going to save you. There are far too many people and cameras out there and too much science to guarantee anonymity or legal immunity forever. Proper preparation before a kill is the only way to ensure you stay out of trouble after it.

You’re among friends here. Don’t worry. Listen closely. 

When I began my journey, resources for this subject were scarce and limited. No one showed me anything. I had to learn on the job. I was so lucky not to get pinched. So, without prejudice, let me tell you about the things that made me into today’s successful serial killer.

Basically, I’m lazy. Digging a hole is not for me. I’ve always taken the easy way out. No hole. No covering the body with leaves. Nothing. When I did my first one, I thought I was a goner for sure. Fortunately, rain fell after I dumped the body. I didn’t plan it that way; it just happened. Any evidence left behind was washed away in the deluge. Convenient, right? It worked so well that it soon became my hallmark. And then I learned how to refine the process, using weather forecasts to assist my cause.

My redeeming quality (if you could call it one) is that I have patience, lots of it. There’s no rush to kill and I can  wait forever to do it. I’ll plan a murder years out and not say a thing to anyone about  it. When my hatred is ripe and the weather turns, I choose my place, time and my victim to receive its wrath. Rigid patience allows me to kill with controlled passion.

What I do is beautiful.

Having such a protracted time gap between murders adds confusion to investigations. The victims are about those who crossed me decades ago. As I said, I have a lot of patience. This is my best weapon, my best defence.

Avoiding cameras and witnesses is another obstacle.

There are 92 people per square mile in the USA. If you discount dashcams, security CCTVs, and every mobile phone camera that’s out there, that’s 184 eyes looking around that mile at any one time. It’s almost impossible to do anything without someone seeing or photographing it. Get it wrong and it’s all over.

My killing ground has a much lower population density. There’s just 1 person in that same square mile. As a result of this astounding statistic, no one sees me or what I do. I leave bodies where they fall, and then let nature take its course. My system is perfect. In twenty years, I’ve not been caught… but I still choose my times and places for kills carefully.

The summers are stiflingly hot and humid in my hometown. A body that’s open to this climate decomposes fast. If I pick the right night to commit a murder, say, before a drenching thunderstorm, most of the evidence is destroyed immediately. A scorching sun burns off anything that’s left over. A half-melted body makes a time of death that much more difficult.

And then there are the victims.

I know I suggested otherwise, but I choose strangers. The victim merely resembles someone I despise. That’s why they appear to be totally random. In many aspects, they are.

The Bikeway Rapist gave me this idea. He got away with his folly for a long time. He made it hard for the police because he kept his victims random. But he did three things wrong: He always did what he did on a bikeway. He acted spontaneously, and he also let his victims live. The one set of eyes in that square mile that saw everything remained alive. Our beloved comrade was bound to be caught.

Bodies will always be found. That’s a fact. The perfect hiding place for one doesn’t exist. Someone will find it, eventually. Assume all bodies are findable; this way, you can work on the elements of a murder you can control.

The moral of my story is: Don’t react immediately to emotion. Be patient. Let your rage simmer. Select a victim who isn’t the one you really want to kill, but instead, someone who symbolises that person.

Kill strangers in desolate places and let them drop just before the rain falls.

The stipulations I have outlined here are numerous, I know, but I’m experienced and my process works. It has worked every single time. I’m a craftsman when it comes to murder.

Happy hunting! -A