Fresh Fish For Sex

I love my little Singaporean friend, Lizzy. She’s nice but a bit crazy. She’s mad about fresh fish… and men. At 44 and recently divorced, she’s living her second single life well. People half her age would be envious. She’s adventurous, confident, alive and free to explore.

She started by exploring a guy’s profile pic on a dating site. She was besotted, not of him but of the large fish he held in his outstretched hands. She decided there and then that this was a guy worth knowing.

She made first contact with Fish Guy.

Lizzy is my hero. Regrets don’t exist with her. She dates men and makes equitable trades with them. It’s a bold approach. The guys don’t seem to mind because every former lover becomes a lasting friend (almost). It’s a refreshingly different way to date. I wish I could be more like her.

Fish Guy was one of those spontaneous opportunities waiting to be had.

“That was a nice fish,” she said with her usual smile.

“I’ll get you one,” he replied.

They finished their drinks, placed their empty glasses on the bar and went back to his place. She told me their night ended with luscious sex and a promise from the stranger. Lizzy would get a big fish from him after his next fishing trip.

There’s something wonderfully grounding about deals with sex. Sex is fleeting, but a deal extends the relationship. It forces us to return to each other to share our tokens and make good on our promises. It’s small but a powerfully strong thing.

And Lizzy was adamant about receiving hers. She was going to make sure he kept his word.

“Have you heard from Fish Guy?” I asked.

“I texted him. He’s at work.”

“When does he fly home?”

“He’ll return in a few weeks. He said he’ll get me one when he gets back.”

“You really think he’ll pay up?”

“Why wouldn’t he? He said he’d get me fish.”

God, I love her optimism.

His work roster kept him away for three weeks. These weeks passed, and I met up with her again.

“Did you see Fish Guy this week?”

“He arrived yesterday and said he wanted to see me, but I reminded him. I said to him: No fish, no date.”

“You didn’t see him?”

She smiled. “He didn’t have fish. I want fish.”

Clearly, Fish Guy got ahead of himself. Lizzy liked the guy but wasn’t prepared to extend her credit. She was due one fish. He appreciated her honesty. The fish would come to her on his next break.

Another three weeks passed, and his plane touched down on one misty morning in June.

“Has fish guy texted you this week?”

“Of course.”

“Did he get you your fish?”

“He said he had one in the freezer.”

“So, you’re square now?”

“He promised fresh fish. Frozen fish is no good!”

When I think about it now, it kinda makes sense — an Asian woman who saw fresh fish in a man’s hand would expect fresh fish. Lizzy wouldn’t settle for frozen offcuts. She’d want a whole fish with big bright eyes, fins, a tail and every scale left on its fresh fishy body.

Fish Guy had his orders, and I could just imagine how his ears interpreted them: “You didn’t get a frozen fuck dickhead. Get me a proper fresh fish, you pathetic c*nt!” Of course, men have short memories, and three weeks is a long time.

Social media doesn’t lie. A guy who loves fishing will show the world when he catches the next big one. Lizzy saw the updated profile pic: “Hey! Where’s my fish mate?”

“Lizzy? Umm, yeah, I got one… look, I’m about to fly out. If you want fish, you’ll have to wait when I get back.”

“When are you leaving?”

“I’m flying out now.”

“Need a lift?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I come get you. Get me fish, and I take you airport.”

“You… you want my fish?”

“My fish. You catch another one. We good? Okay?”

She’s brazen. I’ll give her that. Fish Guy was already in credit, and she was offering him a free ride, too. It made him look cheap.

“Yeah, okay, no problem.”

Lizzy got her fish. She said she ran up to her man, wrapped her arms around him, gave him a big hug, took the fish from his hand and kissed him. “You’re my hero,” she whispered into his ear — while checking out the fish inside the bag.

“It was yummy,” she told me.

I think she’ll date Fish Guy again real soon.

–M.

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