Reading Between The Lines: Women Speak Vs Men

“Michael, do you have any electrical tape? I’ve just knocked off the rear bumper on my car, and it’s dangling.”

“Sure, here you go.” I handed Susan a roll of electrical tape from my maintenance bag, and she looked at me as if I had two heads.

Linda sat beside her and stared at me the same way. A few seconds pass, and then Linda speaks up. “Why don’t you help her out? I think it’s best if you tape it up. Go on. She needs you.”

Susan was still holding the roll of tape in her left hand, and she held it before me so I could take it back from her. “Is that okay?”

I must’ve missed the brief. Didn’t she ask me for tape? I’m sure she asked for tape. But she didn’t want tape at all. She wanted me to tape up her dangling bumper. Why didn’t she say that in the first place?

This is not the first time I’ve been caught out. Women have said things to me before and I got the message ass-backwards. Weird looks came my way after I did what I was asked. How does this keep happening?

I’ve thought about it, and it comes down to two possible reasons.

• I’m not interpreting the words right
• Women avoid saying what they mean

I get confused!

The irony is that women often say men say too little and don’t say what they genuinely feel. That might be true, but Susan knew exactly how she truly felt yet didn’t manage to say the right words. When it comes to communication, there’s a giant chasm between the sexes.

It’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Broken bumpers and electrical tape are nothing, but this kind of miscommunication encroaches into all parts of our lives, and that can lead to bigger things with monumentaly wrong outcomes. Susan inferred she needed help and I was to pick up that inference and run with it.

But inferences are like sarcasm or punchlines in jokes. Some people get them, and some don’t. But if you want clear communication, inferences, sarcasm, and comedy must be removed so that only the details remain. Otherwise, someone like me will be handing over a roll of electrical tape, thinking the task was completed when it wasn’t executed at all.

Language isn’t easy to master at the best of times. I know how hard it is to get it right (and still get it wrong). Forming words into sentences for another person to interpret correctly is an understated skill few master. Words will lead to many outcomes if not handled carefully. Numbers are different. When someone says a number, like 3009, we know it can’t be anything else. There’s no way to misinterpret 3009 as another number. It is what it is.

But if someone asks, “Do you like my dress?” there could be many replies that are not just incorrect but totally unwanted and potentially offensive.

And how can anyone possibly know it was actually directed at some new shoes she bought instead?

Sometimes, it’s best to pause until the correct and logical words surface (or say nothing at all). Reactive speaking can do more harm than good.

Please think of the damage social media often does when reactive responders start bumbling out their words into public opinion.

With nothing but a social media account, an aggressive demeanour and limited communication skills, the vitriol flows into the open arena and starts fires. They burn into places that exceed the help the well-intended author believed they were offering. The community isn’t helped. Any help goes back to the author in the satisfaction they got when composing the text, ending when they press send or post.

Whether the conversation concerns politics, love, the death penalty, or even broken bumpers, we must choose our words wisely and then speak them for the right reasons at the right time.

And we should also consider using silence as an appropriate alternative.

–Michael (Dark Fiction. Author of SEETHINGS (the first book), free for a limited time)

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