Warning: Don’t Put Pets in Microwave Oven

So we bought a new microwave—shiny and sleek—and—because I’m that kind of person—I actually skimmed the instruction manual. You know, just in case there was a new setting for reheating day-old pizza.

And there it was. Nestled amongst the usual things NOT intended for microwaving: Do not place pets inside the microwave oven.

Wait—what?

At what point did we, as a species, need to be told not to roast the family cat? Were there people sitting around thinking, “Fluffy looks wet and chilly. Let’s nuke her for 30 seconds”?

I mean, come on. We invented space travel, but apparently, we still need instruction manuals to tell us not to reheat living things.

Here we are now: warning labels protecting the clueless from their own Darwin Award-worthy instincts. I’m just waiting for the next update: “Do not use the toaster as a baby warmer.”

If this is what the present requires, the future will need padded walls and helmet laws for breathing. Buckle up, humanity. It’s going to be a bumpy ride to Idiocracy.

-Michael (Author of SEETHINGS. It is downloadable and free for a limited time).