Getting freaky on the frontier will become a competition! Guaranteed!
There’s a lot of talk about going to Mars. There’s so much of it, it’s got me thinking about some of the more important issues, like space sex. Someone will want to do it and be the one to say they did it first, right? It’s natural. Without gravity to keep couples, umm, connected, how does one make whoopie in space? We’ll want to know if orgasm is better. Is fertility higher in zero gravity? Who will be the first to find out these answers?
Don’t laugh. You may have overlooked them but I haven’t. What does space sex look and feel like anyway? Being up there for months at a time would allow one to address these issues up close. Rest assured, there’s at least one male and one female right now, who are in training for a future Mars mission, with or without direction, to make it their business to be the very first space-bangers.
It makes me wish I was on the team!
And what about the next logical step? Conception? What proud, new mother wouldn’t want their child’s birth certificate to be the first to read: Place of Birth, Mars.
Yes. That’s right. This is very real. It’s as real as it gets. There will be competition. Believe it. Humans can’t help themselves. Strange things happen here on Earth, so why not out there. I bet there’s a long, long list of silent but eager candidates desperate to be the first to get freaky on the frontier!
The most important question of all: Will there be cams onboard to capture the historic event?
You’re laughing again. Stop! This is serious. Stop it!
Yes, cameras will probably be a part of it. They are already part of everything else. Frontier f*cking wouldn’t be off-limits.
There’s no way a Mars ship will make it across such a large void without some hanky panky going on. Performing public sex puts me off too but that’s only my opinion here and now – I’m not a squillion miles away from Earth living with a stranger inside a tin-can. I may change my mind after three months away!
Space-X is a private enterprise, right? It pays its own way. Why not sell the sexy footage to make a dollar or two on the side? (NO, NOT ON PORNHUB you dirty deviate! I’m talking about science!) Researchers may want to study the action of space sex, its results, or problems encountered before, during and after coitus. Do couples need a special bed to make it happen? Do they require elastic straps to hold their bodies together? Will females produce more duo-decaplets because of the low gravity?
Here’s another speculative quandary from the future children of Mars. Which baby claims to be first? You can’t say you’re the first child to be born on the famous red planet if you’re a twin, a triplet or 11 of your brothers and sisters carry certificates that show the same date as yours! You’ll be special but not as special as you could be. There will be fights, tears and therapy over it in the years to come.
Okay. Let’s not go crazy, yet. Martian kids are a long way off. There are more interesting issues to address before that.
- Space love.
- Space dating.
- Space courtship.
- Space one-night stands.
- Regret.
- Who should put the space bins out?
- Who did the spacey dishes last?
- Open relationships.
- Space gang bangs.
- Space threesomes.
- Jealousy in space.
- Getting divorced on Mars.
- Who gets the Rover?
Right. I’ll leave this here for you to ponder.
-Michael Forman (Author of Dark Adult Fiction)
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