Kenya: One Year Into Marriage and No Sex, It Is Killing Me

It has been 365 days since I got married, yet it has never been consummated.

I want a divorce because I don’t even remember what sex feels like and I feel played; my husband asked me to wait till marriage!

I have never even seen his penis fully erect. Perhaps that is a result of his diabetes medication – research shows that can cause erectile dysfunction.

But if that’s the problem he should have told me earlier. At least then I would have made a conscious decision about the marriage.

He never wants to talk about it, so I have been stuck in a sexless marriage.

I’m thinking of going to a judge, but first, let me consider what my friends said:

You needed to road-test.

You made a mistake when you didn’t test drive. You have yourself to blame. Your husband is as gay as they come, my dear.

Go to a witch doctor.

You’re not alone. I know a few women who have the same issues. There is another woman who has him bound by witchcraft.

The way forward is either to pray or to go to a witch doctor who is stronger than the one the other woman consulted.

Better yet, live your life. Do your thing, just as he is doing his.

He’s keeping something from you.

You could try expressing your grievances to him in writing, and keep a copy.

Consult a lawyer about an annulment if you find no suitable solution.

Chances are he won’t contest if he only married you for image because he has a secret he’s trying to cover up.

You don’t say if you love him, but I can feel your disappointment and confusion. I’m so sorry.

Sexy touching will do.

Initiate the act today. Cook a great meal and put on a sexy outfit. Send some hints, a touch here and there, and see what happens.

Go for counselling.

Have you two considered counselling? Without consummation, the marriage is voidable. You can have it annulled.

He may be stressed. Some people behave like that when stressed. Pole sana lakini (But I am so sorry).

He is gay.

GAY! GAY! GAY! Most gay men marry to fulfil societal expectations. You should confront him and get to the bottom of the matter.

This is serious. Your husband should want to have sex even if he is sleeping with someone else.

Does he rise to the occasion? Maybe he has a medical condition or a psychological issue.

If it is ED try and find treatment as a couple instead of seeking a way out. There are people who have sex every day but are not happy.

I think he is gay because if he had a medical problem, you would have known.

Divorce is the last option.

If you have a relationship problem, lay everything on the table and tell him what you’re considering.

If he does not tell the truth, ask him to consider counselling. Let divorce be the last option when all else has failed.

Maybe he is not cheating on you. Men who cheat always sleep with their wives to cover up their deeds. He has a problem.

If he refuses to talk, then divorce pap.

Check the financial implications of what you want to do

There are many ways to skin a cat. Make a list of pros and cons, including financial implications and base your decision on them.

You also need to let go of the feeling that you were duped. Anger never results in sober decisions.

Talk to wiser older women.

You are a strong woman. See how you can resolve the matter without divorce by talking to experienced women.

They may give you insights that can reawaken romance. Some men rock your bed but are useless when it comes to other issues.

You are the wearer of the shoe.

I totally feel you. The shoe pinches painfully, but you’re the only one who can decide whether or not to balance the walk to the end.

You could trash the shoe and get another, or make a hole in some corner and keep going.

I’m talking with the wisdom I got from a woman who stayed in a sexless marriage for 12 years, and yes, they slept in the same bed daily.

By Nancy Agutu