It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like a Sexless Christmas, Again!

There will be plenty of us who’ll be extra lonely this Christmas. I’m not speaking of those who are away from their loved ones, but of those of us who have our partner right beside us, yet they want nothing to do with us. Physical intimacy is off the menu, like it was last year and the year before.

We are those who still romance the season with hope, but fear that sex won’t be on our partner’s mind. That’s the awful secret we can’t share. We put on a brave face, but fear another Christmas will go by without sex because that’s how it went last Christmas, and the Christmas before that. The holidays came and went, and the New Year passed by without so much as a kiss. When the disappointment was over, it was March. That’s about when we realised that we are becoming old before our time.

The number of couples who won’t have sex these holidays grows. You’re alone for sex, but surrounded by many sexless souls. Forget Measles, Chicken Pox, COVID-19, and all the other diseases out there. The sexless marriage pandemic easily outstrips it. Somehow, we find our perfect mate, and then they demote us to living companion without our consent. Sex is reserved for special occasions, in other words, a time that doesn’t exist.

It’s one thing to be partnered and geographically separated, but it’s entirely something else to be together and emotionally distant. You’re probably hurting more than ever because it’s Christmas. There’s no escape from their iciness, no reprieve from the cold existence they create.

Perhaps you’ve asked yourself whether it’s time to take stock of things and leave the marriage. The only thing that’s stopped you before is that small crumb of hope — that your spouse will see the desperation in your eyes and make good with some mind-blowing Christmas moves. Anything will do. A sign. Some reason to show you they care.

But that’s what you said last Christmas. Based on history, the future doesn’t look good.

I’d love to tell you that everything will be okay this Christmas and you’ll get everything you deserve, but you’ll probably end up getting precisely what you deserve (yes, I wrote it right). Staying in a sexless marriage enables a sexless marriage. The longer it’s practised, the better it becomes. The pattern of behaviour is reinforced. Yes, your sexless marriage has become nothing like what you needed or wanted, but it is what you’ve worked hard to build. It’s what you truly deserve.

Ouch!

That was nasty.

You needed that.

Sometimes it takes a good slap in the face to wake us up to what should’ve been obvious a long time ago. I slap myself every day. God, I was blind, so very blind.

I worked hard on my sexless marriage. Fourteen years of dedicated, faithful service to it gave me a well-earned, perfect, wonderful, polished sexless lifestyle. I’m bloody fantastic at not having sex. It’s so established, I know that the Christmas holidays will be sex-free. It’s guaranteed. Birthdays are a no-no. Weekends away are off the list. Valentine’s Day is the perfect reason not to make whoopie. Think of a time in your life when it could be best to have it, and I bet I can improve on it.

Making babies?

Now that’s a very interesting question. You’d think that would outrank everything.

I put my answer to that one into a book and used the rest of it as a basis for a story. The details from inside our bedroom are absolutely true—the counselling sessions are, too. An affair was worked into the narrative. What can I say? Too many Christmases went by, and I ran out of patience… and excuses to keep living in diminishing hope!

Enjoy the read.

-M (Author)