Just how many marriages appear normal on the outside but, are in fact, sexless behind closed doors. More than you think. It’s one of the most requested Google searches every day of the week. If you’re one of those searchers, you’re far from being alone.
Websites, blogs, forums, research reports and government fact sheets, show how many couples live without marital sex. It produces differing numbers. Some suggest it’s as much as 40%, but as low as 10%.
I believe this wide variance in numbers is because the polling process is flawed — not every couple wants to reveal their intimate details on questionnaires. Others simply refuse to acknowledge their problems. And there are those who misunderstand the question, believing that having sex just one time fulfils the minimum requirement.
“One couple interviewed for SEETHINGS gave two different answers about their levels of intimacy.
She said their sex health was fine. He admitted they hadn’t been intimate in months. It’s a sexless marriage — but neither of them could bring themselves to say so.”
In Japan, the number is unusually high. Complex modern social issues have had an adverse impact on relationships. Sexless marriages are very common, with a whopping 47% of married couples reporting having a dead bedroom.
In the Bible Belt of America, where the stats fall below 10%, the low number is disproportional to the rest of the community. On the surface, sexual satisfaction appears to be a logical answer. Deep-down though, proud Christians are known to keep their sexual dysfunctions to themselves. It is God, Faith, and frequent Prayer that deals with the private affairs of the bedroom, not public polls and open discussions. Sex and religion have always been uneasy bedfellows. It is, for this reason, I believe this number is inaccurate.
Sexless marriage discussions draw a couple of frequently listed key points:
- Boredom
- Cheating
- Health
- Laziness
- Neglect
- Fall out of love
- Distraction
- Erectile Dysfunction
- Pornography
- Counseling
- Abuse
Abusers (a term used by a neglected spouse who sometimes uses the word with ‘denier‘) knowingly and disrespectfully disregard their partner’s sexual needs. The abused experiences a sense of helplessness that descends into disappointment, depression, anxiety, frustration and anger.
“Abusers often remain unaware of how much pain they cause their spouses. When asked, they deflect questions on matters of sex. Frustrated spouses find ways to emotionally distance themselves. ‘Cocooning’ is an act of desperation — to make and control a space of their own.”
Monogamy is demanding. It ORDERS us to be everything for our partner, ALWAYS and FOREVER. Sometimes, this is impossible to do.
We’re told there’ll be bumps along the way, but if true love exists, happiness is assured. Failure to achieve happiness leads us to question love itself, and ourselves within it. For those in long term sexless marriages, there’s only so much doubt and unhappiness we can accept before we go mad. Why don’t our spouses understand the pain they cause us? Why can’t we change them and make them see?
If our partner doesn’t play, what was the point of going to the game and getting married? We’re more like friends who share a home than lovers who share each other’s bodies!
Hi. I’m Michael Forman, author of SEETHINGS.
I’m so thrilled to have you here. I’ve had a great time bringing my sexless marriage narrative into the light, so someone like you can read and enjoy it. It’s horrific and thrilling — available in e-book. You’re only seconds away from reading SEETHINGS in all its diabolical glory!
–Michael Forman (Author)
‘Forman’s writing style is artful, with the protagonist Mitchell’s warped thought processes masterfully exposed. The author has a powerful and vivid command of language and his word pictures are stark and disturbingly real.’ – Linda J Bettenay, author of ‘Secrets Mothers Keep’ and ‘Wishes For Starlight’.