Printer Inkolism! The Printers that Drink Way Too Much Ink.

I have a hate/hate relationship with Inkjet Printers. They drink ink at a phenomenal rate, one that would be called an unhealthy dysfunction if we applied what they do to the human world.

Before you scowl at me for complaining about ordinary technology, there is a reason. I have an inkjet printer in my home. I’m sorry. I know. It’s just a printer. It’s no big deal.

It uses too much darn ink!

I rarely use it!

Most of my professional manuscripts are printed by a commercial printer. The document file is sent to the subcontractor, and a bound script arrives at my office a day later.

So why do I have a printer at all?

Convenience – for the odd document here and there, when I need something immediately. I don’t do photos with it, just black text on a white background.

There have been other printers in my life that have come and gone: Dot-matrix, thermal, laser, and now these Inkjet nasty pieces of poop.

Laser printers were the best, but their transport mechanisms failed before their drums did. Then came the outdated drivers, connections, etc. There’s no point in fixing a broken mechanism anymore. The repaired printer is incompatible with the upgraded computer and software anyway.

Old? Is three years old for tech?

This brings me to accepting the new world order. We claim to be eco-friendly, yet we add short-lived, disposable tech to landfills at the highest rates. Do I spend a little more cash knowing that even expensive tech has a very limited shelf life, or do I spend less knowing that the same thing will happen, only cheaper?

If it’s technology, sooner is logical, right? New drivers with new stuff like Bluetooth, WiFi, better Eco-Modes, other stuff that’ll somehow improve my life in ways that I’ve never dreamed.

Sure. I need it. I need all of them. Give me better eco-modes while watching my past printers add to the landfill mountain on the other side of the city.

So I went past that growing mound to get to my new I/J printer, knowing that I was being forced into this strange use-and-toss cycle. My fresh plastic gizmo and its electronics will be buried in a landfill before I can say let’s protest about unnecessary waste.

And then the CYAN tank is nearly empty. What? I just got the printer home and turned it on. It can’t be low.

Yes, the computer sends me a message. It says one of the inks is about done. I just printed four pages. That’s all. Four! Twenty pages ago, it wanted its yellow ink replaced. Judging by the consumption, ten more pages from now and the black ink will be done. That’ll come to 20 pages in three months.

Does this story sound familiar to you?

And it doesn’t matter which ink brand I use or whether I switch the printer to draft mode; nothing affects the printer’s consumption that much. The printer drinks ink liberally, even when it’s off and doing nothing!

Don’t laugh.

What’s with all that print-head nonsense before and after any printing? Cleaning? Warming Up?

Pig’s behind! It’s drinking ink on the sly.

I tell you, inkjet printers are a rort! We are certainly getting shafted when buying them. Dammit! Now it demands a CYAN ink replacement and won’t print a single sheet until it gets another drink!

“I’m not printing in colour, you piece of crap! I just want black text!”

I’ll be in my grave before this printer gives me what I need!

Okay, fine! I’ll replace everything and be done with this nonsense; the YELLOW, the small BLACK and the big BLACK tanks! If everything is brand new again, then one page shouldn’t be a problem, right?

It’s ready! Finally! A green light! Push the damn button and print my paper, you evil device!

OFFS! Red light! The paper has run out!

I really hate inkjet printers.

–Michael (Dark Fiction. Author of SEETHINGS (the first book), free for a limited time)