Is Non-Spontaneous Sex Better Than No Sex At All?

Fancy having to book in with your spouse for some love? Some may see it as unromantic and anything but sexy, but for those who get no sex from their spouses at all, this will seem like an appealing option. Desperation has a funny way of changing one’s perspective.

Dear Cheryl: My wife and I have two little kids. When we come home from work, we’re busy with them. There’s dinner, homework, baths, stories and bed. We can’t even make time for non-spontaneous sex.

It leaves 90 minutes or so to straighten up, do laundry and catch a little TV.

By that time, my wife is exhausted, so nighttime sex is rare. Sex before work is what I call “zombie sex.”

Making dates is out of the question, and planning special weekends seems unnecessary. I know that busy people are making time for sex. I’d just like to know just how they’re doing it.

— Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: Why are “dates” out? What’s wrong with planning special weekends? Why not hire a babysitter on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon to take the kids to a movie? What about getting the in-laws to take the kids for a weekend? Or trading off with another couple? In other words, what’s wrong with scheduling sex? You schedule everything else. I know it’s not spontaneous, but non-spontaneous sex is better than no sex at all, isn’t it? And sex leads to more sex.

Don’t let your frustration build, and don’t get into a sexless marriage. You’ll both regret it.

‘Forman’s writing style is artful, with the protagonist Mitchell’s warped thought processes masterfully exposed. The author has a powerful and vivid command of language and his word pictures are stark and disturbingly real.’

Linda J Bettenay, author of ‘Secrets Mothers Keep’ and ‘Wishes For Starlight’