I can’t stand making love to my spouse anymore. To overcome those feelings, I fantasise about making it with a secret lover instead. It gets me in the mood. I do it all the time, and it works.
Sad as it sounds, some people can’t get motivated with their spouses. Sometimes, their hand is too uncaring, cold and repulsive to be sexy. Love can cool — a long-term sexless (mostly) marriage can definitely cause us serious psychological damage, to the point of splitting our emotions between deep disappointment and absolute desperation (that’s how it happened for me). We want sex badly, but not from the one we love. History with them has ruined it for us. To get past it, we can teach our brains that we’re with someone else. Our mind can lead our body to pleasure, letting it believe our passion has a purpose. Yes, it’s not a perfect system, but it keeps us faithful in our monogamous relationships.
I recorded this podcast after talking to a friend about her fantasy experiences. She revealed to me that she had trouble getting-over-the-line with her husband and had to fantasize whenever they got busy. It got me thinking about my own marriage. I, too had to tell my brain I was in bed with someone else (who wasn’t my wife) to get something out of it.
And now you can listen to how I managed my ten-year sexless marriage without going completely mad.
Discover more from Michael Forman – Author of Dark Fiction & Drama
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.