A sexless marriage can feel extra lonely for a second reason. If you’re not the type to whine about it, you’re probably keeping this emotion to yourself too. That means the frustration is multiplied. And now, you’re doing research on books about sexless marriages to find answers. Fast!
Fourteen years. That’s my experience in this highly specialised, yet sad little field. No, I’m not a doctor. I’m a sufferer, just like you.
My spouse doesn’t play. We believe in monogamy which means I can’t play. That’s the deal. I didn’t ask for this lifestyle, but I’ve got it anyway. Maybe that’s you too.
So I wrote a book about the vicious cycle associated with it. Actually, a novel — fiction — to protect the guilty parties and events that took place over those fourteen years, including the counselling sessions that occurred during four of them.
Relationship psychology and marriage self-help books are available in hard copy or digital files for e-devices (if that’s what you’re after). Each claim to share secrets that keep the spark alive. Some offer helpful clues. Others are just a waste of money.
My wisdom comes from some original texts I wrote in a secret letter to my spouse. It was never intended to be read by anyone — just a way to get the emotion out. Like you, I was bursting at the seams to say something. I wanted to scream. Rather than shout and lose respect for myself and our marriage, I wrote the words down. After thirteen days, I collapsed.
The resulting letter was a mess. It was a plethora of accusations, missed opportunities, point scoring, petty domestic laundry lists, anger and repetitive disappointments. On paper, it was a disaster. I couldn’t stand to read the misery of my marriage in my own words. It was obvious that the end was near, for the writing and the marriage.
Divorce. It happened. It also helped. I could finally justify why I wasn’t having sex.
Ironically, this new mindset eased things. I could dream again. I was free to write the story I wanted to write about a sexless marriage like ours (adding in extra elements for entertainment). It didn’t need to be in the form of a letter. There was no need to shout. I just needed to tell a confident story about a married couple who got caught in a no-sex cycle and what might happen to them if that situation went on for too long.
To answer one question you may have: No, I/we don’t have children. We planned for them but there was no sex. It was an extremely unique (weird) situation, which is why: 1). I’m able to tell you; 2). The story is such a good read. You’re in for a treat!
The book is free to download and read. Yes. Free. All I ask is a brief review to be made on Goodreads.com after you’re done with it (no catches). It’ll help me promote the book and its sequel (and another currently in production) for other sexless people to enjoy (in the future).
I can’t make a promise that reading my novel will repair your marriage. I’d love to say it would. I really do. The best I can offer is the experiences I put into it, that and the dialogue that might come from having it in your possession. There’s a slim possibility your spouse might ask you about what you’re reading. Your answer may contain many complex words or, alternatively, the same selected few I used in the counselling room (inside the book). What happens afterwards is up to you and your spouse. No guarantees.
Thanks for taking the time to seek out this page and make it this far. You must be in a world of hurt. I wish you well. Big hugs from another sufferer. -Michael