How To Hide A Body Properly

It has to be asked. You’ve wondered about this too, right? Don’t be afraid. You’re among friends here. When I was starting out, resources were few and far between. No one showed anything to me. I had to teach myself and make it up as I went along. So, without prejudice, let me tell you the things I learned on the way to becoming a successful serial killer.

Basically, I’m lazy. It’s a character flaw. I’ve never wanted to dig a hole. In the early days, I’d always take the easy way out and find a ditch or a drain. I was so naïve. It kinda makes me laugh today. I was so foolish. I could’ve been caught. Fortunately, luck was with me. Rain fell sometime between the moment I dumped a body and when it was found. I didn’t plan it that way, it just happened. Any evidence I may have left on a body was conveniently washed away. I learned how to improve my ways by refining the process and using the weather to assist my cause.

There are other ways to dispose of bodies, but many of them require effort. Some are simply bad for the environment. This brings me to my way.

There is another way. My way. It comes down to two primary things: 1) Location and 2) Timing. There is a third, but I’ll come back to that.

In the USA, there are 92 people per square mile. That’s 184 eyes looking around that mile at any one time. It’s almost impossible to do anything without someone knowing or photographing it. Get it wrong and it’s all over.

My killing ground has a much lower population density. There’s just 1 person in that same square mile. As a result of this wonderful statistic, I don’t do much with the bodies. I leave them where they fall and let nature do the rest. It works fine. In ten years, I’ve not been caught, and it’s an environmentally friendly practice… but I still choose my times and places for kills very carefully.

The summers are stiflingly hot and humid in my home town of Brisbane. A body that’s open to the climate decomposes fast. If I pick the right night to commit a murder, say, before a drenching thunderstorm, I find that it sorts out most of the evidence immediately. Once the washing is done, all that’s left to finish off the job is some time under a scorching sun. Assuming the body isn’t found at all, it then dissolves into the landscape quick.

And then there are the victims I choose. I go for strangers. They’re nothing to me. They have no historical associations with anything I do or have done. We cross paths one time and that’s it. There aren’t any chain of links to follow, not any that would be obvious anyway.

The Bikeway-Rapist gave me the right idea. He got away with his folly for a long time. Police had no clue who was doing those woman. He made it simple by keeping them random.

But he did two things wrong. He did it in daylight and then he let his victims live. Sure, it’s fine to help yourself to dessert, but it’s important to not get caught eating it! The one set of eyes in that square mile that saw everything remained alive. All it took was someone’s great memory and a good description to change the game for our bikeway rapist.

The moral of this story is: Don’t worry about how to hide a body, look at the kill location and choose the right victim.

Pure Evil and Kindness

Kill strangers in desolate places and let them drop just before the rain falls. -A

“Forman’s writing style is artful, with the protagonist Mitchell’s warped thought processes masterfully exposed. The author has a powerful and vivid command of language and his word pictures are stark and disturbingly real.”

– Linda J Bettenay, author of ‘Secrets Mothers Keep’ and ‘Wishes For Starlight’.

Let’s Go And Commit A Murder

You’d do it if you could get away with it, right? That guy who cut you off in traffic last week; that bitch down the road who slept with your man; a mother-in-law who makes your life a living hell — think of the injustices that could be fixed simply by offing each perpetrator who causes you an offence!

As a writer of fiction, inspiration to motivate a character to commit a murder can come from anywhere. It can arrive with those mentioned above, or with a simple leaf falling to the earth. It can come by way of a child’s first tear, or simple, unbridled hatred.

A leaf? Get out of here!

When it comes to writing fiction, it’s not impossible to exercise some clever literary acrobatics to link all of these and come up with a compelling, yet sophisticated narrative built around murder. (Think The Butterfly Effect.)

Psychological thrillers often gravitate towards the shadowy emotions of psychopaths, revealing the seedier sides of our lives so others can take a peek into a wonderful darkness we rarely get to see or experience. This is where reason and evil meet without resistance.

Who commits a murder?


Me. You.

That tattooed guy in the torn leather jacket is an obvious candidate. Clearly, he’s a villain awaiting jail time. ‘He’s the killer officer! Cuff ‘im! He’s still holding the goddam bat! See?’

Oops! Did we just land in a cliché by tripping over a stereotype? What about Granny Maye? She was also present at the time of the killing and loves baseball. Oh but she couldn’t have done it. She’s a sweet old lady who bakes cookies for homeless people. She’s a devout Christian. There’s no way this God-fearing senior could’ve sent someone packing.

Inspiration to commit murder

Let me tell you, Christian cookie grannies are the worst kind of villains. No one expects them of doing anything evil. Granny could’ve walked in, slit everyone’s throat and walked out with an armful of blood soaked knives and no one would’ve batted an eye at her.

Evil, conniving bitch!

She’s evil for killing. Evil for murdering granny stereotypes.

Tilting fiction away from the predictable is my preferred writing style. Clichés are nice if an author wants to accelerate a story line and help readers — but where’s the challenge in that?

Outwardly good people can be inherently bad on the inside. It’s true. And some readers may just want to see who those people, too. They’ll want to understand why they do what they do.

Back to the guy and his dead ex-girlfriend.

Oh, what? Huh? Did we change the channel? No. There was a murder. Remember? It included a baseball bat. Her head was destroyed by a stick of willow. Blood and bits of skull went everywhere. The news reports used words like ‘viscous’ and ‘cold-blooded’. Every wall and floor in her home was covered in human fluids. It was a mess.

It appears she got up from the initial clubbing and ran from the attack. There were signs of it. Smears of red created a timeline along the hallways, from start to finish. The bludgeoning continued until her body couldn’t take it anymore.

The details of his arrest were cut and dry. He said he’d never been inside her house and that wasn’t true. He’d been inside the home, at least once. The fingerprint on her dining-room’s light-switch was a clear match. He’d lied and everyone knew it.

Our leather clad tattooed villain now has another cliche attached to him. It’s called Lying Bastard. Jail is the happy-ever-after for Lying Bastards, right? If you agree, it’s time to leave. I don’t write for Disney.

If he isn’t a killer, then this story becomes a lot more intriguing. Who did the job on his ex-girlfriend? Why did he lie?

There’s a mystery at hand. We have a fingerprint in a place where it shouldn’t be, a liar and someone else who knows how to swing a bat. It’s two separate yet entwined stories. One follows a line to the tragedies genre while the other falls into horror.

It was a rush to end the perfect crime fairy tale and the police arrested that Lying Bastard without hesitation. They gave the public the happy ending cliche they wanted and became heroes at once. The city slept better at night but police failed to arrest a murderer. It didn’t matter. The story was tidy gift. All it needed was a bow.

The young man was held by the system for eighteen months and remained in custody until his trial. He was acquitted for, you guessed it, lack of evidence.

No one but the court and his family knew of his acquittal. The frenzy surrounding his arrest wasn’t there at his release. He had lost his job, his girlfriend, his credibility and a good portion of his future as a result of this botched investigation.

Although it sounds like poorly written fiction, this particular story is real. It really happened this way.

In short, it came down to that fingerprint and a dumb lie. He lied for a good reason – a stupid one considering what it means now – but it saved him from dealing with his jealous new girlfriend.

Inspiration to get angry

‘Don’t ever go into that bitch’s house,’ she demanded, ‘or it’s fucking over!’

It infuriated her that his prior relationship to that bitch had produced a child. If it were up to her, she’d stop child visitations altogether – but doing that would’ve made her a bigger bitch than the bitch she despised.

‘Pick him up at the front gate. DON’T go inside, EVER!’

Kids are kids. They don’t care about daddy’s new girlfriend. What would she know about getting children ready for access weekends with a parent? It’s not surprising a fingerprint was found inside the home.

When the police questioned him, they did so in front of his extremely jealous girlfriend. What a mistake. That lie changed his life forever.

Who commits a murder? Anyone can commit a murder just like anyone can go to jail.

Anyone did.

Happy stories about crime also include jail time.

As a writer, it’s very tempting to expose such errors, right this wrong by providing an alternate, accurate story. It’d be a way to let the police know that they didn’t do their job… and to keep the public informed as to the failures behind some crime investigations.

Alas, I’m not that kind of writer. I’ll leave that for others to rectify. You’re more likely to read evil-meets-evil inside my novels.

Life isn’t perfect. Sure, it has its good, cliched moments, but evil’s anarchy exists too. That’s the path I choose to walk. Good doesn’t always save my kind of day. Killers don’t always get caught.

When writing SEETHINGS, I looked at our strange fascination for the happy-ever-after to do it’s stuff and making the evils disappear. Rather than quench that thirst, I wrote my own evil fairy tale.

After all, they didn’t get me and my baseball bat. That was my happy ending.

See you in the pages of SEETHINGS.


*Free. Limited time.

“Forman’s writing style is artful, with the protagonist Mitchell’s warped thought processes masterfully exposed. The author has a powerful and vivid command of language and his word pictures are stark and disturbingly real.”

– Linda J Bettenay, author of ‘Secrets Mothers Keep’ and ‘Wishes For Starlight’.

Amateur Photographers Discover Body

What are you looking at? I'm not a real reporter. Got you!

Reporter: Julie Sephlia

MF News & Media

Logan City: Two Meadowbrook photography TAFE students taking a walk this morning, discovered a woman’s near naked body in low-lying grass on the banks of the Logan River.

A stock Logan City shot for trainers

Charlene Foley, 38 of Kingston, was last seen on Wednesday night after she told her husband she was going for a walk for fresh air. She never returned.

Logan City Police have released the following statement:

‘Mrs Foley appears to have left her Kingston address at about seven thirty on the night of the 15th and then made her way along Juers Street.’

‘We believe she met someone, relocating to a Meadowbrook address soon thereafter. There were sounds of a struggle on Juers Street, and we’re currently looking for a white sedan that was seen in the area around that time. We are also searching for her mobile phone’s SIM card.’

‘Cadets from Oxley Academy will be doing a ground search today, retracing her movements along the river, Armstrong Rd and its surrounds.’

Photography student Len Skapp who discovered the body said, ‘We were photographing birds and I said to John what’s that in the background? I thought it was someone sunbathing in the grass.’

Mrs Foley leaves behind two daughters and a son.

Len Skapp? Surely you didn’t believe that oddball name, did you?

I didn’t write it into the book like that. That’s a serious adult piece inside there. Len Skapp is just a spontaneous name l came up with for this post for fun.

Naughty me.

Please enjoy what was put into my slightly deranged, neo-noir styled novels now. 😉


A Sailing Affair
Two Random Victims
Childless Couple
Charm Bracelet
Author: M.Forman
Avail: eBook

“Forman’s writing style is artful, with the protagonist Mitchell’s warped thought processes masterfully exposed. The author has a powerful and vivid command of language, and his word pictures are stark and disturbingly real.”

– Linda J Bettenay, author of ‘Secrets Mothers Keep’ and ‘Wishes For Starlight’.