My Spouse Is Asexual. What Should I do About My Own Needs?

I’m desperate. If anyone knows what to do about ending a sexless cycle in a four-year-long marriage, then I’m all ears. I’ve tried everything and I’m lost. Before you suggest counselling, we’ve done (still doing) it. If you’re keen to put forward the idea of setting aside some date nights, then yes, we tried that too.

We’ve gone away for weekends and the result was a resounding disappointment. I’m sick of going through the motions and putting in the effort only for it to go nowhere. It’s like I’m nothing but a best friend or a house companion. I want more than that. I deserve more.

I started to write down my feelings to make better sense of them but the writing got intense. Somewhere between the lines of desire and despair, I’m sure you’ll see what I’ve been thinking and going through. In parts, those thoughts get sexy as I worked my way through what I desperately needed, and then replace them with the coldness of what really happened, rather, happens. Some of my words are horrific but I can’t say why that occurred. I guess I left nothing inside my mind. I wrote about the good but so much of what I said bears the weight of the bad… much like the sexless part of our marriage.

If you know what I should do, please let me know.


Hi. Welcome to the pit.

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